Home is where I first crawled, walked, rode a bike and horses, rolled around the yard, fished with Dad, was nursed back to health by my Mother, ate homemade meals, celebrated birthdays and holidays, caught lightening bugs for homemade night lights, tied thread to June Bug legs and flew them around like helicopters, fussed with my older sister and gave my baby sister a concussion flipping her off the porch swing (complete accident)… all those things you do when you are living a country child’s life to the fullest.
Home is where Fibi and I spent the last two weeks of my mother’s life. Home is where I spoke to Crystal about letting our Mother go when it was time. Home is where my Mother took her last breath. Home is where I bathed my Mother and changed her clothes before the funeral director took her away.
Then there was the passing of Crystal, my baby sister.
Home is where she resided her entire life. Home is where the rocker sits covered in plastic, next to the baby crib; where she sadly never had a chance to rock her baby. Home is where baby bottles and baby supplies sit on the counter, where Crystal placed them.
Home is where all our childhood photos remain on the walls and sitting around.
Since my Mother’s passing, for the most part, I have avoided going to my childhood home.
Going home is heavy and it hurts but, it is dear to me.
I have felt like the Cowardly Lion about going home.
But, as part of my “feel it to heal it” campaign, I found myself wanting to go “home”.
So, my frister Gretchen, her son Joseph, and I made the four hour round trip.
Dad met us there.
It was a beautiful, early autumn day.
So close to October 4th, I was full on Cowardly Lion. I thought of my favorite CL line, “Put’em up, put’em up! Which one of you first? I’ll fight you both together if you want. I’ll fight you with one paw tied behind my back. I’ll fight you standing on one foot. I’ll fight you with my eyes closed.” My fears may have believed it but, I knew I was cowardly lying.
For the first time, I was there to take it all in.
So I did. Breathing and taking it all in.
I looked around and thought about all the life that was once there. All the love shared in this home. All the memories made on this land.
The gardens are all grown over. Pieces of structure crumbling away. No animal life in the barn. The pond is looking on the stagnant side.
It is beautiful to me, all the same.
I feel it in my soul each and every time I am there.
Our childhood homes and what happened in them, for the most part, shape who we are as adults. Some people are running toward “home” and some are running from “home”. Apparently, I have done both.
As I looked around I thought of all the symbolisms. The love and memories are still alive and well, despite the wear and tear. The years have changed the surroundings but, the foundation remains.
I was blessed to be raised in a home where God was the foundation. When my foundation feels unsteady, I know I can always go home.
Like Glinda the good witch told Dorothy, “You have always had the power.”
I just took the long yellow brick road home.
oh.my.word.
took my breath and made me cry.
beautiful, trish.
xo
Thank you so much for everything, my super sweet and supportive friend… can’t thank you enough… xoxo
Trish, just learned of your blog. Beautiful is all I can say. I too lost a sister, and think of her every day. Don’t ever stop talking about her, she lives within you every day.
Thank you, Pat! Thank you for sharing. So true.
I am excited that we get to go through the journey with you! I think I experience every emotion reading your first entries. Looking forward to many more!
Thank you for encouraging me AND joining me on this journey, Leigh. You get it and I love it! Now it’s your turn ;o)
So glad you FINALLY did this! I still expect you to write a book too!!! Let the thoughts and emotions flow with this blog and don’t analyze every post! This is all yours and all real. People who know you truly love you for who you are. And those who don’t know you will grow to love you! 🙂 Looking forward to the creativity we all will see from this.
Thank you!!! A book just might involve the witness protection program… are we sure we are ready for that?!? ;o) You know me all too well! I will refer back to your kind and loving words when I am feeling any and/or all the above. Thank you, Frister.
I am SO proud to call you my friend! You have taught me so much more about life and love than you will ever know. I’m glad you’re giving the world the opportunity to enjoy and know your incredible wit and kindred spirit. You will be an amazing blogger! Can’t wait to share!
Wow… Thank you, Stacy! And thank you so much for sharing… just don’t share the frog pen story ;o)
I enjoyed this so much! So proud of you moving forward and becoming the woman you are.
I am glad you enjoyed it, Deborah! A woman couldn’t ask for a better friend.
I am so proud you clicked post!!!!! I have always known you could do this with the creative personality you have! I look forward to all there is to come!
I did it! Long time coming. Thank you!
Trisha this is Awesome! Brought tears to my eyes! God has truly Blessed you with words it took me back to your home! Love the Foundation ! Love You!
Thank you so much, Cherry! You know. You were there. I love you! xoxo
Simply…..moving!!
Thank you, friend!
Took me back to a familiar time and place. Love the pictures.
Love you Cuz
Thank you! Warning: You just might find yourself on here in a picture from that time and place 😉 I love you!
That was beautiful Trish. I know you are happy you went back.
Thank you, Lorie. Definitely.
Trish, I can relate so much to what you’ve been through. You are way stronger than you give yourself credit. Hugs, Deborah
Thank you, Deborah. Piper coming soon! ^..^
: )
Trish the experiences you have gone thru losing your mother and sister are not things I have experienced personally but I admire you for being an inspiration to others thru that! You are obviously beautiful on the outside we all know that but beautiful on the inside as well!
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment and your thoughtful words =)
Wow, Trish. I didn’t know you had it in you, should have known!! You have always been an awesome person. Very well done!!
Thank you, Lisa!!! Stay tuned!
Setting here at work reading your blog I cried and went back in time to my happy child hood thinking of all the good times growing up on the mountain. Your blog is amazing!!
Awwwe Cindy! Thank you! So happy and thankful you commented and shared. Great times!
Trish, your blog is amazing and you are an amazing person. You just have a way with words, its as if they just roll of yor tounge. One thing I am sure of is your mother and sister would be proud of the strong willed woman you have become. Love Ya.
Thank you for checking out my blog and your super sweet comment! hugs and love!!!
Trish,
I love your blog! It is beautifully written and gorgeously designed, but most importantly it comes from the heart! I look forward to reading more!
Thank you so much, Emily! This newbie would love for you to share all your tips and hints with her =) Yes, all heart.
http://www.moritzfinedesigns.com is where it is at for design!
Beautiful! Thank you for your vulnerability. Your obedience in doing this has already touched so many including myself. “Home”…brought back memories of my mom I hadn’t thought of in a while. I didn’t realize we had so much in common.
You are welcome and thank you, Gigi. It is a blessing to know this post resonated with you. Thank you for reading and sharing. We never outgrow being our Mother’s daughters.
precious words. thank you for sharing. sorry to say we are in the same *club* of losing young sisters. thank you for sharing your heart. it helps.
Trish, this is beautiful. Reading this makes me want to go home. I Love this….and you too!
Thank you, my dear friend. Great memories made at your home. I love you!